a not-so-dramatic-return to blogging.
letting go
the bond between the car and i is evident,
a special mention of her in my very first post,
when i had doubts in the unfamiliar territory of the blogsphere,
she gave me inspiration to start an entry.
she... a lifeless 1.0cc gold manual kelisa,
who was there with me through good times and bad times,
who shaded me from the rain, the blazing sun and portentous events,
she, who became a close friend,
she, who i have decided to let go today.
she wasn't beautiful 'outerior' wise nor was she interiorly,but her metalic gold was just as good as real gold to me,
with a build that gave me nothing but comfort.
she wasnt as strong,
neither was she capable of running faster than most cars,
bt her four wheels brought me places that my own two legs couldnt.
she was my loyal companion for more than three years.
she has seen every smile, every tear, every disappointment and every joy.
she saw me become a woman!
and because of that,
she'll always have a special place in my heart...
i didnt even wish her a proper goodbye.
and when dad drove home into the basement and parked,
soon the realization kicked in after seeing the carpark next to him empty.
a 7 yr old version of me appeared on the surface and pouted at dad,
"i miss her" i said with my ten octaves higher voice,
i blinked back the tears,
she was gone like a missing limb,
and it felt like a part of me was gone forever.
Oh No! Badly Burnt Yo!
OK... i shudnt panic!
well... shud I????? shud i be worried? the photoshoot is afterall this comin sunday!
the genius that i am knowing that sunday is the photoshoot and that i needed more colour, actually went tanning on tues (thus the eco tour) hoping to get the golden tan that i dream offfffff everyday....but instead, i ended up being burnt on both my shoulders and the tip of my nose!
that wouldnt be an issue if i'm not going for a photoshoot on sunday and not for the fact that the outfit i carefully picked two weekends ago happened to be a bare-back!!!!
wad's worst... i got an effing HUGE VISIBLE TAN LINE ACROSS MY BACK!!!!!
seriously... i've done everything i could... like:-
*applied four fcking layers of lotion onto my skin
*immediately apply egg white and honey, a traditional remedy onto my skin...
*recuperate three days at home
*applied aloe vera on my skin... both the natural plant and the facial wash bcuz i cudnt find the gel ( i was actually jumping for joy when i saw that my facial wash had aloe vera substance in it... though it felt kinda weird rubbing ur facial wash onto your shoulders as you shower)
*applied Vitamin E lotion all over the burnt
so i guess der's nothing else i cud do bt pray...
i guess it worked in a way cuz i'm healing... the burnt dont hurt s much anymo and now d skin on the tip of my nose is peeling...
BUT that's not good news issit... peeling skin... photoshoot!!!
ok... i SHUDNT PANIC!!!!! I SHUDNT PANIC!!!!
there's always photoshop rite....
I SHUDNT PANIC!
crush,crushed!
isnt it sickening to know that even at this hour, some of you still cant wipe that silly smile of your face thanks to last night's excessive touching session.
Valentine's day, i believe is a day created to give free passes to lovebirds just so that they can proudly display their love and affection publicly. You see the colours red and pink painting the town, you hear cheesy love songs on the radios, you imagine cupid running out of arrows bt all have forgotten that valentine's day is also a day that you share with close friends and family.
being a strong believer of the latter and also finally figuring out that chances of me bumping into prince charming is close to zero, i hit the town with five reliable frens. since i'll prolly wont b here to celebrate valentine's day in malaysia next year, i thought there's no better opportunity to spend some quality time with the gang. shell was in a black tank while aaron was dressed in a black button up shirt with an outstanding pink tie and the youngest two among us definitely dressed up for the occassion. place chosen for the celebration was secret garden cafe.
sweet old mcDs...
where you gt a smile frm ronald mcdonald whether you're attached or not. we didnt need red wine to make a toast... burgers were the perfect substitute. the day mayb a disappointment, bt the company i had was beyond wonderful.
fairy tales dont exist in my world...
pic frm flickr.coma prince so cold and far from embrace,
like briar, the touch of the prince only leaves me bleeding in his thorns.
bt still, i willingly wait by my window for that one prince to save me,
and fall into a pretentious sleep just so the prince would kiss me.
but i do not have skin as white as snow,
or lips as red as blood,
or hair as black as ebony,
and for that i'll have to sleep for eternity as the prince would not come near me,
only to immediately wake up when a beast tried to kiss me.
now that beast will not turn into a handsome prince,
for his spell could not be broken,
because of failure to move my heart which is so cold and stubborn,
and selfishly, i rather witness his broken heart killing him than move a muscle.
a disappointed fairy godmother said to me,
"no hocus pocus for you, nt anymore",
"no dancing with the prince in the ball",
"your rags would not turn into a beautiful gown",
"and i'll give you a pair of glass slippers that would only hurt your feet so".
feelings of sorrow and guilt soon scarred my young heart,
and i constantly pray every night to be enchanted once more,
bt the tears i cried remained tears,
the toad i kissed remained a toad,
and the straw i spun would not turn gold.
long long time ago, i was selfish and immature,
and a fairy godmother punished me so,
'Abracadabra' and everything was gone,
no more handsome prince, no more kind-hearted beast,
just me alone in this fairy-tale world.
it took me long enough to know,
that i was special no more,
and though i've learnt my lesson,
my once ethereal fairy- tale world has now cease to exist,
and a simple wishing, hoping and praying will not give me my happy ending anymore.
me confused!
requiem for the soul
i'm sinking into oblivion. i woke up early today. sat on the bed and had empty thoughts. i look at dawn. i waited for the tears to come. NO TEARS. i'm sinking into oblivion. today is the funeral and i'm here and not there. today is the last day... the last chance i can see her. bt i'm here and NOT THERE. i'm sinking into oblivion. i'm at the state where everything is blurry. i'm tired but i cant sleep. i want to cry but there are no tears. i feel sad but i'm not sorrow. i feel hopeless but yet i'm not sure. i'm sinking into oblivion. i'm at the state where i dunno myself. and i have empty thoughts. i am no longer aware of the surroundings. i'm in the world of an unknown. i'm sinking deeper. i'm no longer conscious of what is happening. the birds are chirping bt i hear silence. the sun is shinning brightly bt i see darkness. i'm sinking into oblivion. i'll shut my eyes and i'll look for the light and i'll pray and i'll look for that familiar face and i'll picture her in my mind and i'll cry deep inside for her and i'll tell her that i'll miss her and i'll tell her how muc i love her and that i'm sorry that i cant be there and that i know she'll understand and that i know her spirits will be with me no matter what and i'll give her my last hug and my last kiss and my requiem for her soul...
i'm awake now... the tears in my eyes woke me up... i'm awake now... and i'm crying!
love, love, love...
disclaimer: emo post ahead... thx to my period... pfft
the happiness, the heartbreaks and the sleepless nights...
the dreams you built, the sorrows you embraced, the unforgettable memories...
the fear, the silliness, the hope, the wishes, the confusion...
the cries, the quirkiest smiles, the laughter, the silly gazes, the soft touches ...
all the cliche lines you never thought you will say in a million years...
now seems lk a distant memory...
it has been 3yrs...
and i'm startin to forget how it feels...
and no matter how hard life was then goin through all those unstoppable tears and laughter and the hurting in the end... i wish i could relive it once more...
call it madness bt life gets boring without it...
because life gets lonely and everyday bcomes one repeatable routine!
and there's nothing to look forward to... nothing to wish... nothing to hope for...
i lk to go back... to the time when love did conquer me
and to remember how it feels to be loved and love...
i've been loved, i've loved and i will love!
heartbeats...
our heart beats about 80-100 beats per minute...
what happens when it stops...
(beat)
redemption...
her heart aches...
she has a past she wants to forget...
she's waiting for a shot at redemption...
only failing because of her sins...
(beat)
fear...
another heart cries...
an undying fear growing in her...
fearing the colour red...
for red is the colour of blood,
for it has now broken her soul, her spirit...
(beat)
what if...
they both sit there in silence...
one with a razor in her hand,
and the other with a bible at her side...
both thinking of a different life...
both thinking of what would've been...
(beat)
mediocre...
i'm the mediocre fren...
who sits back and watch them suffer...
i wish to be more than ordinary...
and nt someone so helpless...
i wish I was God, o Jesus for that matter...
who'll die for her sins and cure her from her sickness...
so they'll both feel happiness once more...
(beat)
...
bt i'm ordinary...
i'm nt GOD o Jesus for the matter...
so i'm crying out to You...
i'm praying...
for without them i'm nobody...
a body and soul of an unknown...
for without them,
my world becomes lonely...
and in the midst of multitude, i'll be alone...
heartbeats...
what happens when it all stops...
