seeing the name on the 1st class honours list... and that name belonged to me... i thought i'm truly blessed

the end that lead to the beginning

allow me to state the obvious, the me today is not the me three years ago.

just by possessing a slight sense of maturity changes everything. i'm not the same person i used to be even though that sense of maturity hasnt been uploaded into my body system a full 100%.
everday decisions are made so differently that i'm clueless about the person i'm turning into half of the time.

i wasnt always a geek to begin with. i started my tertiary education at a totally wrong path. and as deeper as i went, i found it hard especially when the spirit is willing but the flesh is weak. funny thing was when it came to trying out new things other than education, i had the intestinal fortitude to carry out any stunt. i mean every one of us probably went thru the same phase where we believed we were close to being immortal. but when it came to studies, i was a hermit who only felt comfortable under my shell.

and when i decided to switch from engineering to law, i was at the lowest point in my life, the natural confidence i used to possess wasnt anywhere to be found and soon the accumulation of doubts were slowly taking over. and at some point, though i've never admitted to anyone, i was humiliated by my own failure. who wouldnt be. you tried, you gave everything you could for two and a half years but your everything wasn't enough. i was giving up second year electrical engineering for a-levels law. that is something you can never be proud about. for the first time in my life, i was lost. i had no idea what to expect and if this Plan B failed, was i able to face another failure?

fast forward three years later, i'm glad i've made that change and even i have changed in so many positive ways. although i'm also getting duller by the moment, i'm not complaining.

so here i am nearing the completion of my degree and that got me thinking. i couldnt have done this by myself. the support from family and friends were vital and that brought me to where i am today. they were the ones who showed me light when my path was getting pitch black.

and believe it or not, it was the encouraging words of a friend that actually brought hope to me. she had a best friend who was a top law student and as i listened to that success story, my friend told me that she believed in me and i had my own success story waiting to be written. i smiled at the confidence booster but i secretly and desperately wanted that too. i remember going home that night more determined than ever. that was the time i erased the past and vow to start showing what i was capable of doing.

so i owe half of my success story to steph. i've never told her personally but it was her story and her effervescent personality that kept me believing. i live and die by the story she told me about her best friend and had actually sucked every ounce of it to achieve what i've achieved today. and to see her proud with my accomplishments meant the world to me, the gift she bought for me on tuesday was just icing on the cake. i'm yet to find a conclusion to the story bt that can only be done when i complete my degree and actually find a job i'm happy with.

so i can say that i'm actually a walking testimony that failure isnt the end of everything. cuz when one door closes another opens. failing engineering was the best thing that happened to me. it was the end that lead me to a whole new beginning.

9 gaps filled:

sharon said...

This is one of the best post i've ever read from LACUNA. I can imagine how depressed u were,but u did it. I do believe everything happened for a reason too,you're right,it was an end that lead to a new start. i'm glad u choosed the right path 3 years ago,you really did great in law. Haha,dunno why,kinda emo when i read this post lar, but i enjoy reading it. Chins up,girl.

Anonymous said...

i was blog hopping and i'm glad to stumble across your blog. your current post is very inspiring and it is very brave of you to share it.

phyl said...

sharon + anonymous: to be honest i felt very vulnerable typing this post and to come here and read that u guys saw me s an inspiration means a lot to me. so thank you so much 4 d comments. thank u. i swear i'll haf dis silly smile across my face d whole day.

Shellyn said...

im encouraged. thanks for sharing this..one door closes another opens. that is indeed very true. :)

CreativeBitchin said...


like everyone else commenting here, i'd like to say that i'm very inspired by this post.

especially when i'm feeling as down as you were, making the choice to come back here.

eh good luck in newcastle ar, and do remember to chia me when you're finally a fullfledged lawyer k!

Anonymous said...

hey. i as a friend didn't do almost anything. u helped me! oi too modest la.

i've lots to tell u. my head's spinning. need early rest. *hugs* see u sometime perhaps next week if not, this weekend if u can.

phyl said...

shell: :) u'r most welcome.

iwene: i believe u haf ur own success story waitin 2 b written. i tink we both noe that the hardest part was making the decision... and after dat, everything jus flow frm der. i dun need 2 b a lawyer 2 chia u la.... oh yeah dat reminds me... my umbrella stil in ur car. hahaha. nomad la dat umbrella... frm my car to johnson's shop to ur car... sigh

sam: it's d lil things dat ppl dun notice dat helps a lot. lk great company during stressed out weeks. ok... r we stil on 4 movie marathon nex wed? u can tel me den. :D

kehvin said...

just hangin' there. enjoy your last year of degree as much as you can. work stress is in a total different league trust me.

phyl said...

is already stressful enuff havin every single soul telling me that work is far more stressful den studies. hmph

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