autumn is finally here.
the trees have painted the town gold and red...
so very pleasant to the eyes.
most mornings, i'll walk out to the streets...
just to catch a glimpse of the changing colours...
to see leaves covering the ground below
and the smoke coming out from my mouth as i breath out.
i've finally adapted.
Newcastle finally feels like home to me...

hanging on the kitchen wall is a map of the world...
and on that map, i'm the furthest from home.
but, i dont feel alone anymore.
the loneliness that made other emotions queue in line before they could make themselves known has finally dissipated...
and now i can feel again...
thx to the housemates who are now family.
thx to close friends here and back home who have kept me strong...


and thx to the family that i've committed myself to every weekend...
and the three children... i've learned to love,
eoghan (pronounced as o-wen) the eldest,
aoife (pronounced as e-fa) the princess,
and padraig (pou-ric) the baby...

they make me smile every time...
about the silly little things they do...
but then, they are the ones who remind me...
what a family is and should be...
and that life doesnt just revolve around you, books and parties...
but each other.


last sunday night,
as i was sitting on the sofa watching tv,
padraig came to me
adjusted himself onto my lap
put his arms around me for a little hug
and placed his soft cheeks onto mine...

and for a moment there,
the worries of not being able to fit in in this alien world... stopped
i felt whole again...
and for a moment there,
there was no gap in life...
as the lacuna was filled.