seeing the name on the 1st class honours list... and that name belonged to me... i thought i'm truly blessed

requiem for the soul

i'm sinking into oblivion
. i woke up early today. sat on the bed and had empty thoughts. i look at dawn. i waited for the tears to come. NO TEARS. i'm sinking into oblivion. today is the funeral and i'm here and not there. today is the last day... the last chance i can see her. bt i'm here and NOT THERE. i'm sinking into oblivion. i'm at the state where everything is blurry. i'm tired but i cant sleep. i want to cry but there are no tears. i feel sad but i'm not sorrow. i feel hopeless but yet i'm not sure. i'm sinking into oblivion. i'm at the state where i dunno myself. and i have empty thoughts. i am no longer aware of the surroundings. i'm in the world of an unknown. i'm sinking deeper. i'm no longer conscious of what is happening. the birds are chirping bt i hear silence. the sun is shinning brightly bt i see darkness. i'm sinking into oblivion. i'll shut my eyes and i'll look for the light and i'll pray and i'll look for that familiar face and i'll picture her in my mind and i'll cry deep inside for her and i'll tell her that i'll miss her and i'll tell her how muc i love her and that i'm sorry that i cant be there and that i know she'll understand and that i know her spirits will be with me no matter what and i'll give her my last hug and my last kiss and my requiem for her soul...

i'm awake now... the tears in my eyes woke me up... i'm awake now... and i'm crying!
i will always love you grandma
(1921- 06.04.2007)

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